I can’t believe it’s Thursday already and another weekend is approaching and I didn’t write anything yet. I know most of you read this around Wednesdays and probably already used to my tardiness and thinking a little consistency Ali would be good. Sorry. I’ve always struggled with the concept of time. I’m sure I’ll be late to my own funeral.
So, last update I had done the basic recording and registered 18 songs for copyright. Last night I recorded the two winter holiday songs and will register them tonite. I had it set in my head to go into Studio the weekend of September 18th. Of course I haven’t even talked to Bort or Russ yet to see if that works for either of em but, mentally I thought of that date. Of course mentally (apparently heavy emphasis on mental), I thought I’d be driving myself to the hospital and home after surgery until I got a verbal slap in the face from Dr. J (the/my awesome surgeon) when I suggested it today. His eyes were wiiiide in disbelief and said “You do understand you’ll be going through major surgery. You’re not to go near a steering wheel for 3 weeks, you’re not to lift anything for 6, you do understand there are risks?”. Poor guy. I just smiled and said “yes…this is just my brain. Those things don’t register until after the fact. All it knows is I’m not going to die (though according to you I’m gonna feel like it and maybe want to at times) and though I’m about to go through a crappy series of crappy times, I’ll be alive and well enough to record CDII by spring and a big thanks to the fact that I’m in good hands (always end with a compliment ;). The rest seeps through on a need to know basis”. He seemed more at ease after that but, I decided not to mention anything else like packing work laptop in the overnight bag and thought better to just cross that bridge when we wake to it. In case you’re new to these updates. I got some pretty shocking news about a month ago after a year of dreading something was wrong…and it was. A big, fat tumor. The dark and insidious kind. The kind where they can tell you whatever they want and all you’ll want to hear is when they’re going to cut it the fk out (after you hear “yes” to “am I going to live?” of course). I know I’m not the first person to get it nor am I the worst case out there and its so common now they’re making cable series around it and how common place it is to deal with it. I refuse to watch those shows. I refuse to watch any shows/films that mirror the parts of real life I turn to the TV to escape from. Mostly because it’s never common when it’s happening to you or someone you love. Partly because I’m afraid I’d get caught up in it and confuse it with real (ok, my) life and start second guessing everything or worse…comparing.
I got an email from the coffee shop guy a couple weeks back inviting me to play there again. I totally forgot to respond to him. I should. I never know how much I should say. I told the owner of the theatre there’d be a delay until spring and why and never heard back. Maybe I was too matter of fact and he thought “If you want to cancel, cancel. You don’t have to make up a sob story lady”. Or maybe he just didn’t care. It’s not like we’d become close friends over the course of one face to face and a couple of emails. I don’t know. I never quite knew how to deal with those types of situations. I’m not even sure what to write in this blog but, as the disclaimer on my site states…this is wait…what does it say again?…hold on…”this place reflects the mind and heart of me”. It doesn’t say “which is filtered and package nicely for the PR or even PC”.
It’s been a while now since I saw Moppet, took a lesson or was out at any open mics or jam sessions with anyone. Been keeping to myself until I got the fast few weeks and then few months sorted in my head.
Tonite…(I’m assuming this nice second wind will stay full sail) I’m going to make my way to the Aussie pub. Me n Martin (and possibly Kala). I’m gonna hang with the boys and I’m gonna play. I told Keen this before and I gotta say it now. All the health stuff…even with Dr. J and Dr. H (I like calling em that instead of their full names…makes em feel more like Pals) breathing down my neck on the importance of taking it all seriously not scared. Not even flinching. But, the moment I type “I’m gonna play”…my heart started to race in nervous anticipation. WTF? Seriously….really? Who does that??
I’m reminded of what Red said just before we took the stage at Hensley’s to play his song together for the first time “I’d rather go on deployment than up on that stage”. I so now get what he meant. I was so fascinated sifting through all those youtube videos of Guster yesterday and seeing how second nature the stage and making music is for them. One day…one day…I will look back at a video of me playing and I will see that same ease of mind, I swear.
Til then…practice…persevere and push through these next few months like I’ve never pushed, practiced or persevered before.
This Sunday…me n Red. He’s got something ( a song) he wants to work on. My eyes are already welling knowing what it’s about and am deeply touched that he asked me to work on it with him.
Next update after that then off to “the house on the hill” I think…
Thanks as always for listening~