“It’s just music, isn’t it?”. That question was posed to me yesterday when I said I was a bit shy about the project and it really got me thinking…(the question came from a good place as if to tell me not to worry) am I supposed to feel that way? Do most musician’s feel that way? Because I feel more these songs are a legacy of some sort. Writing that just now it sounds kind of arrogant but, it’s not how I mean it. My mom, wanted to be remembered so she made quilts for all her kids and their kids. That was her way. I want to be remembered, especially by my nieces and nephews and I like to picture them sitting around with their kids one day listening to these songs and saying “this was your great aunt. You can tell who she was just by listening to her songs”. I want to connect to people in far off places and discover which of these thoughts/images we all have in common.
It feels like a lot more than music and maybe that’s why I’m so intent on it being the right people and the right timing on recording this project. These are messages that will last as long as iTunes or the Cd’s do so why not make a big deal about it?
I woke from what I thought was a dream last night. A playback of an ugly time. Me shouting and not really being heard. A time that I thought of when I wrote “No”. The irony is…it was coming from the neighboring apartment. Same words, same emotion, someone else living it. I was upset at first and put the pillow over my head and then I kept one ear open in case help was needed. Then, when it was clear it was under control I said to myself “you go girl” and drifted off back to sleep. Why do we bother to shout when we know we won’t be heard? Maybe we’re shouting at ourselves to listen. That’s the impression I got early this morning when I woke to the conversation through the walls…you know this one…the call to the best friend bravely re-telling the story only this time you sound strong and defiant “and then I said…that’s right…totally…I know!”. That was probably one of the most difficult songs I’ve written. Not the chords but, digging up those old memories and putting them out there for the world to hear. The best part is once it was recorded, most of the anger and frustration was gone. As if it was burned into the CD. I think that’s the most profound thing about writing music. It gives you a chance to un-stuff stuff that you’ve crammed into the back recesses of yourself and sitting there, festering over time does no good. Writing a song about it somehow releases you from the weight of it. Or on the plus side, the baby song…whenever I sing it I feel very hopeful and reminded that there is someone out there for everyone. Just be yourself, do your thing and keep your eyes and heart open. Never enter into love blindly. You’ll end up with bruises from bumping into walls and never decide to love someone just from what you see because some things (that count the most) are invisible to the eye.
Yesterday, I did some cleanup on my old laptop and finally came across the photos from the recording of Boomerang (I thought I’d lost) and put them on the Facebook fanpage (before I forgot where they were again). Was kind of odd but, good to relive that day through those images. A funny thing though, I kept trying to upload one in particular because it’s the funniest moment of that day but, the program kept crashing every time (she must have a guardian angel). So, I’ll tell it here ;). I was out in the main area and most of the group had gone after the David song (which everyone sang on at the end and infamous Sergio aka “Cowbell” aka “96” played cowbell on) and so we settle in and I put the headphones on and I’m singing away to something and Bort is giving the thumbs up and through the headphones we hear loud as thunder a “flushing” sound. We all bust out laughing and then after what seemed like forever Michele walks out of the bathroom which is adjoined to that main room. OMG. I laughed so hard and had the camera ready to catch her unwitting expression “What…what??”. So, no…couldn’t get it on there but oh…just remembered you all don’t know who’s who so I’ll go back to the album and add notes after I publish this.
While I’m on “random thoughts” mode I’ll put this one out there. So, there’s a daddy long leggs spider that’s been camping out in my bathroom this past week. My first instinct is to grab a tissue, squash em and toss em but, when I was housemates with Nat I learned that she is of the strong opinion that spiders should be let be (at least the household kind) and had asked me to refrain from killing but, scoop them up and send them outside if I must. So, last night I looked right at him and said “look…out of respect for Nat I’ve not squashed you but, I gotta tell you that I’m not cool with you living in my bathroom. So hang out tonite but, if I see you tomorrow we’re gonna have words, capiche?”. This morning I came in, brushed my hair and looked over in the corner and he was gone. Just packed up and left. Is the occurrence random? I don’t know but, I thought it was worth mentioning…
I decided on a guitar teacher but, you have to pay for a month in advance so…next payday. This one is about rent/bills (and possibly toes). I also decided to do my first open mic. It’ll happen by the next weekend update. Not sure where yet (have three different places/dates in mind) and don’t want to jinx it but, yup. It’s time.
I owe it to you all to give a more substantial progress report next time other than baby steps. I’m sure something will pop into my head this week but, for sure…next Sunday come back for the update~
Thanks for continuing to listen~