Late again on the update, sorry.
Holidays tend to put me in a spin…you know what I mean? I keep the remote in my hand in case any Hallmark commercials come on because 10 seconds into them and it’s all waterworks.
I’m not sure why I get that way (is it just me or you too?). I love Christmas and New Years. But every year, it’s the same. I’m hyper aware, hyper sensitive and usually come out the other side with at least a couple bruises from knocking things over and usually a piper down.
So, Thursday night Michele came down after work and we went for sushi around the corner (yaaaay company :). You know…as much as I love email, txting and posting (and we do all that a lot), a light went off as we were gabbing in the kitchen later that nothing replaces being in person. There are so many layers of communication that are missed when you don’t see the facial expressions or body language when you talk to someone. The exchange of thoughts, ideas, stories are so much more meaningful. You know what I mean? Like cappuccino vs instant coffee. IC will do in a pinch but, why would you reach for it when you can have something far more memorable and meaningful to the senses? Or as they say…the eyes are the window to the soul. I’d much prefer to talk to a soul than a piece of technology. Anyway…we just had the best time doing not much and talking about anything and everything that came to mind and then just before she left I braved it and said “I’m not going to torture you with more than one song, I promise” and picked up Seagull. You think that’s no big deal but, I know she’s not really into the music and I have made her captive audience in the past more times than she’d care to have been. Don’t get me wrong, she’s really supportive but, well she’s more like woo tang and I’m more like if James Taylor had a half sister (wait, maybe he does…but you get the drift) aaaand she’s no wallflower. She calls it like she sees it (which is exactly why she’s one of my closest friends…no illusions or BS). I played ‘By New Years Day’ for her and didn’t dare to look at her face until after I strung the last chord. It was kind of dark but, I swear I saw a glimmer then she said “oh…you are playing that at my wedding!”. I consider that the highest praise and on that note, officially consider the song finis (and invited to a wedding~).
Friday night, I went to a friend’s holiday party (lots of pics taken, will see if I can nab one). She’s like a much cooler, European version of Martha Stewart. Incredibly creative and vibrant and outspoken and the food she creates is like…like you’ve just found out you’re royalty and this is how the other half lives (I’m gushing now cuz I miss her but, it’s also true). You know she plans these things weeks-months in advance and you know it’s going to be good. I tried to wear the gorgeous cranberry holiday dress that I wore to Miche’s wedding but, as fate would have it (or brownies would cause it), it was a bit tighter than the previous week and one glaringly apparent downside to living alone is no one there to zip up that section you just can’t reach. I cleverly turned it around, zipped it up and pulled my right arm through ‘piece o cake’ when I heard the sound…right at the zipper’s seam…and possibly under the arm (I couldn’t bare to look), the party had already started and I was at least a half hour’s drive away. I dug through my closet and found a black one that just fit, threw a red scarf and gray sweater on and went from Grace Kelly to Harvard girl and out the door.
Several times that evening I fell into that zone…you know where time seems to slow down to a near halt as your eyes pan around the room and you soak in the faces, the laughter, the colors, the smells, the odd little branch sticking out of the tree with a child’s hand drawn ornament hanging off of it. She is the queen of ambiance and I was a happy witness to it. I hugged her tightly and told her I loved her several times. I’m surprised she let me drive.
No, I was sure to stay grounded, be a good guest and I was (ok, except for the moment where I threw out the cig a non smoking friend had set next to me to come back n finish…ugh..broke my heart it did. I may say I love to smoke but, I don’t like the damage it does. Especially to people I care about).
The next day, I went for coffee…walked to the beach (for the first time since the move, lazy me) and even walked barefoot on the sand (one of my all time favorite things to do). The next thing I did…was go out and buy 4 new dresses (that actually fit).
Why is it that we try to cram ourselves into things that no longer fit (when we know it’ll end in tears) instead of giving in to change and finding something that does? Because we think we’re not as attractive as it were? Hrmm….I tried to tell myself that one for years then I’d see women packing at least 60 more pounds than me being followed around by an adoring male so, no. Not buying that one anymore. However, I am going to buy some Dr. Martens boots. I used to wear them in my more free spirited today’s so I think it’s a cathartic thing. No, I won’t try to re-create my past but, more give it an adaptive revival (no lace ups, its got buckles~).
I know what you’re thinking…oh ali…you risk taker you…can hardly wait to hear CD II if this is any indication of it~
Ok, ok, stop yawning, I’m on to the good stuff, New Year’s Resolutions:
Last year my resolution was to learn guitar and play for my dad. Status: I went beyond that and wrote/recorded CD I, put it on iTunes and Amazon and have over 1,000 people on Jango radio saying they like it.
This year is to record CD II (even if by one song at a time). Which means, putting the music first. Putting the money aside, no more impulse/frivolous shopping (hey, the boots I gave good thought to so they don’t count) Keep the wide eyed determination I had of last year but, say goodbye to Pollyanna wishful thinker. She gets stuck in mazes and loses her way easily by distraction. Besides, a maze is just another form of trying to draw within someone else’s lines. Fk that. I’m busting a hole through that hedge and neeeever looking back~
Oh, speaking of distraction, I bought a string of star shaped lights (they’re LED=energy saving and it’s not New Years yet) and strung them in the dark corner of the studio. I was going to buy that net of white string lights when this box caught my eye “stars change colors”….ohhhhh yes they do~ My lil ADD brain so digs this~ I watch TV and in my peripheral view is a string of luminous colors like a tiny version of the Aurora Borealis. Inspiring…
So, goals (and hold me to them):
1. By end of January – get new guitar teacher (and not just any one but, one that can take me to the next level and more).
2. By end of February – record one song for CD II and submit it to iTunes and Amazon. I’m thinking ‘Piece of Cake’ or ‘One Day’. Going up to visit my Pop in February…should we let him choose the first one?
3. get back to work now so I can afford to meet goals 1 and 2~
Chau for now and thanks as always for listening~
PS…I knew you thought I was being Pollyanna so here’s proof…